Mindy Kaling is a rockstar at life. Her wisdom, wit, and ferocity go unmatched. I mean, seriously:
So of course I read her book Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns) which is just as genius as you would expect it to be. There is one chapter in particular that really stood out to me when I read it a couple of years ago. I've wanted to write about it for a long time, and since it's Valentine's Day and Clint and I are enjoying a date called "He's at work and I'm here making homemade paleo granola" I thought "What a romantic time to write a post about marriage."
Also in regards to the granola, I'm actually not that cool on a daily basis. This if my first time attempt at making it.
In her book there's a chapter entitled "Married People Need to Step it Up." She goes on to talk about how the number of unhappily married people she knows seems to outweigh the number of happily married people she knows. Her wording in the whole chapter feels like it should have come straight out of my pink fuzzy diary (not really in existence for 26-year-old tosh, but def in existence as 10-year-old Tosh) and into her book. But I'm not as witty and clever as she is. And I also have never considered whether or not I look hot eating a cupcake so there's that.
Here's my favorite part of the whole book:
“I don't want to hear about the endless struggles or work it takes… I want to hear that you guys watched every episode of The Bachelorette together in secret shame, or that one got the other hooked on Breaking Bad and if either watches it without the other, they're dead meat…Maybe the point is that any marriage is work, but you may as well pick work that you like. Writing this book is work, but it's fun work, and I picked it and I enjoy doing it with you, Reader...Married people, it’s up to you. It’s entirely on your shoulders to keep this sinking institution afloat. It’s a stately old ship, and a lot of people, like me, want to get on board. Please be psyched, and convey that psychedness to us. And always remember: so many, many people are envious of what you have. You’re the star at the end of the Shakespearean play, wearing the wreath of flowers in your hair. The rest of us are just the little side characters.”
Does she just speak to you or
I'm here to convey my psychedness. As a 6.33 year marriage veteran (ok I'm a rookie by a lot of standards I guess) I will tell you that marriage is as fun and cool and simple as you make it. Or it's as miserable and boring and difficult as you make it. The choice is yours.
Here are 5 reasons why I think marriage rocks:
1. You have someone to go through every step of life with. I was 19 years old and basically still in diapers when I got married. Some people say that getting married young doesn't allow you to experience life, traveling, dreams, and plans before settling down. Did I miss out on those things or did I get to experience them with the coolest guy I know? I don't know about you but all of my best memories have to do with the people around me, and the fact that now I have a built-in partner for life makes me think I've got a pretty good gig going on.
2. We don't watch The Bachelorette together but we do jam out to some Justin Bieber (we're big fans), rap a few tunes together, blast the country music while driving in our truck, and watch stupid TV shows like Marriage at First Sight, The O.C. and Friday Night Lights (which I promise you were 100% his suggestion). Marriage is really the worst.
3. You laugh a lot. Today in church the guy had me crying because I was laughing so hard (yeah, you read that right, we were in church.) Some of my favorite memories are of us laying in bed and dying laughing over something the other person said or did, or a video we watched, or just whatever. Who doesn't want to go to bed laughing? I like it better than the days I would go to bed crying because I was single. Jk that didn't happen but it was fitting.
4. While you're ultimately each other's #1 priority, you actually do have time for other people and things. I think this is a major misconception. Have a freakin' life you married people. Go do separate things. Find different hobbies. Be ok going somewhere when your spouse can't make it. Go on vacation with your girlfriends. I think all of these things are healthy for a marriage if you find a good balance. No one likes that couple who can't separate for 2 hours. But you know what else is cool about marriage? If no one else likes you because you are that couple, it really doesn't matter because you have each other.
...But seriously, please find some friends and just avoid being that couple anyway.
5. You have someone that believes in you, supports you, and brings out the best in you. Clint honestly makes me feel like I can do anything and not only does he tell me that, but he's helped me realize that it's true. There are so many things I never would have tried if it weren't for him telling me that he thought I could do it. I tend to be high strung and worry about everything. He is completely opposite. He keeps me grounded and talks me back into my senses when I start to get stressed or worried over something unnecessarily. We challenge each other intellectually, we talk politics (and he tells me he would make me sleep in another room for 6 months if I voted for Hilary Clinton), and world issues, and religion, and also celebrity gossip because he just gets me, obvi. I always say that I wouldn't be the woman that I am now without him and I truly believe that.
Clint and I have it good. We don't have it good because we are lucky, we have it good because we choose it that way on a daily basis. We choose to find joy in the marriage that we picked for ourselves. Is it work? Some days more than others. But it's work that we like and it's a life that we like so we are going to give it our all. Mind Kaling is right- the majority of the greatest stories, songs, and movies are about finding love and we are blessed to be the stars at the end of the play.